Grace

by Annalisa Holcombe, Founder of Connection Collaborative

Grace . . .

We hear this word a lot, and perhaps even more during the pandemic: “She handled it with grace.” “Give yourself some grace.” But what does that really mean? And what do the behaviors look like when we actually “do” grace?

In a recent article, Rebecca Ruiz explained that grace “offers relief in the midst of serious transgressions, like failing to show up for an important moment or betraying a promise. Giving yourself grace is permission to forgive your mistakes, lapses in judgment, and hurtful behavior, because no one is perfect.” But she also warned that giving yourself grace only truly works if it is paired with behavior to rectify the situation.

And I can’t help but wonder if that next step - of repairing behaviors - is where the problem may lie with many of us as we face another winter of uncertainty and societal divisions. At Connection Collaborative, we’ve actually had to both give ourselves grace and develop behaviors to rectify the situation as we’ve been getting ready to launch Season 3 of our podcast, 92,000 Hours. We had big plans to do some really cool things over the summer, but we weren’t able to pull it off. And we had to dig pretty deep to give ourselves grace for failing to get the things done we wanted to get done, for our own feelings of inadequacy, and for wanting to shrink or run because we may have felt that we let our colleagues down.

But we were able to acknowledge and name our failings, real and perceived, and to give ourselves grace. More importantly, we were able to give each other grace and provide acceptance even in the midst of our struggle. At Connection Collaborative, one of our core values is the importance of integrating work and life. This means that as work colleagues, we had already taken the time to know each other as whole people. In the past, we may have separated our work selves and home selves, but today the successful organization needs to welcome employees’ whole selves. This has never been truer than during a global pandemic; we all are operating in a new environment of work and home, of altered plans, of fear and uncertainty.

In order to truly give grace to ourselves and to others, we must acknowledge the complexity of our lives, and we must trust in our abilities to make it right and move forward. This was made abundantly clear for me recently. I had drifted apart from a dear friend in recent years, our social media personas creating what would have otherwise been minor political disagreements into gaping chasms of mistrust and judgment. But then she got sick, and the gaping chasm melted away – no longer important when it came to matters of life and death, illness and health, friendship, and love. In her final months, she gave grace, over and over again, to everyone she knew. And I had to give myself grace, too - in my struggle to determine if risking my child’s health was more important than visiting my friend, and in my deep feelings of guilt, loss, and sadness I felt upon her passing.

In the most trying of circumstances, grace was the comforting presence surrounding my friend and I. Grace felt like a personified third presence in our friendship, enveloping us in the comfort of acceptance, forgiveness, and love. I invite you to bring grace into your relationships with your colleagues, friends, and family. She will be a welcome presence if you treat her with the respect and honor she deserves. Most importantly, I invite you to bring grace into your relationship with yourself. Grace is more than a hashtag or a mantra. When truly acted upon, grace can give you both the comfort and the strength you need to meet the next challenge. For me, that next challenge was grief, and because I had already welcomed her in, grace was there for me.